moo, i'm a pig.

I don’t hate you entirely

I don’t hate you entirely. I’m sorry if that’s what you think is the only thing I feel towards you. Of course I like you. Apart from that, you’re one of my best friends, and I love you for that. I realize I wasn’t as thankful enough that you are around right now than I used to be before maybe because we’ve changed, a lot. We weren’t as young as we used to be in mind and in actions.

After everything, we don’t treat each other the way like when we used to hang out as good friends anymore. I missed that. It was all innocent fun but I know it was something more. It had potential.

I was right. We weren’t perfect but I knew we could be perfect for each other, or at least that’s how you made me feel once - like I want to be perfect for you.

But it stopped and everything changed. I had hoped that after it, the way we treated one another could’ve been sustained. I tried. It was pointless and I was hurt and the reasons for the feelings you gave me also slipped away.

Nothing is ever not complicated right now. I don’t know if this thing is just because the company of each other is within our comfort zone or because it might really be worth working on.

I still believe there could be something more if we could learn how to remember how we used to be friends at first and not stick to all the assuming and the rushing. Because really, if you love someone, you don’t do things for them just because you have to. You do things for them because you want to and because you love them, even if they don’t feel the same way.

I don’t hate you entirely. I just hated what you’ve become and how you stopped treating me like I’m your best friend.

I don’t really hate you. I just missed the part where you would always choose to sit beside me and just be completely stupid together, no judgments. And maybe how you kiss my face and it tickles. I liked it when you used to put your arm around me like you’re assuring that you  will always have my back.

I want my best friend back. And maybe someday soon, it would be so much better than what we were/are right now.